Edward stood shivering outside the apartment, finishing his cigarette and admiring the Christmas lights and spray-can frost in the windows of the buildings across the parking lot. It was cold but he didn’t want to go inside and face April with the news just yet. It was cold out here but she could be even colder.
He hoped, as he did every evening, that when he walked in she’d be at the canvas, long blond hair pulled out of harms way in a sloppy bun, working on something with the fire and intensity that had made him love her in the first place. He doubted it. April had hardly painted since her One Woman Show last spring. “Amateur” and “puerile” were only two of the confidence-shattering words one critic had used.
Edward flicked his cigarette into the parking lot and went inside. April was at the canvas but there was nothing on it but a few black squares and a red triangle. It was painting, at least, even if not a painting. She had her headphones on and hadn’t heard him come in. Edward hung his coat, got a beer from the fridge, and sat on the couch. He turned on the TV and hunted for a cable show about Hawaii or anywhere sunny and warm.
April heard the TV between songs but waited until the end of the CD to take off her headphones. She sat on the arm of the couch and put a hand on Edward’s shoulder.
“How was your day?” she asked.
“Long.”
“You want something to eat?”
“No thanks.” He nodded at the canvas. “What do you call it?”
“Absolutely nothing.” It was an assessment, not a title. She took a swig of Edward’s beer, the pecked him on the cheek. “I’m going to bed. Love ya.”
It brought a smile to Edward’s face every time she said she loved him. This time, though, it faded quickly. He grabbed her hand to stop her from getting up. “We need to talk.”
His tone as much as his grip stopped her. “What about?”
“I’m working tomorrow.”
“I figured you would. Do you think they’ll let you go early?”
“Some people will… but I’m working a double.”
“A double! On Christmas Eve? Why do they need someone on Christmas Eve?’
“To answer phones until corporate closes. Nine p.m. California time.”
“Eleven! They can’t make you do that. No one will even call.”
“They’re not making me. I volunteered.” Edward tried to look apologetic and gave a little shrug as if to say, I couldn’t help it.
April squeezed his hand. She was very angry. “You volunteered? To work Christmas Eve? When we have plans to go to Mom and Dad’s so we can spend Christmas morning at Grandma’s? Why would you do that?”
She tried to pull loose but Edward didn’t let go. He almost stood but didn’t want things to get more confrontational than they already were. “It’s double-time, honey, and if we’re going to Hawaii for my birthday then we need to get tickets and make reservations as soon as possible. Plus we need money to spend while we’re there.”
April knew it was useless but tried anyway. “Maybe we could go for your next birthday.”
“No!” he said louder than he intended. He lowered his voice. “We’ve had this discussion before. Craig and I promised each other we would go to paradise together before we turned thirty. Ever since he died I’ve planned on going for both of us but kept putting it off, figuring there was plenty of time. Now there’s no time left. I’m working and that’s it.”
“Fine.” April jerked free of his hand and ran to the bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind her.
Edward leaned back and closed his eyes. It had gone worse than he’d hoped but about as well as he’d expected. He picked up the remote and started channel surfing again, figuring April would be in there for hours going through her anger ritual of trying on different combinations of clothes, shoes, and makeup until she calmed down.
April had a different ritual to go through tonight and she doubted it would calm her any. She took the box out of the makeup bag she had hidden beneath an untidy pile of towels under the bathroom sink. She felt like she knew the instructions by heart but followed them step by step until there was nothing to do but wait. This was the third test in five days and if it was positive like the others then she was going to march right out there and tell Edward.
‘Do I have the right to do this to him?” she thought. “He’s a good man and will do everything possible for this child, but will he be happy? Will we be happy?
She knew Edward would act happy, even if he wasn’t. She didn’t know if she’d be able to tell the difference. She paced back and forth while her thoughts went in circles. Finally, mercifully, her watch beeped and she could check the results.
Pregnant.
That settled it. April took a deep breath and went out to tell the new father the good news.
Edward was asleep on the couch with a Hawaii travelogue on the TV and a smile on his face. This news might break his heart and would definitely break his promise. Could she do it? April realized there was another option she hadn’t allowed herself to think about until now and that, really, nothing was settled. She turned off the TV and lights and went to bed sure she wouldn’t get any sleep. She finally did fall asleep and had the most important dream of her life.
April was still asleep when Edward woke up. He shuffled into the bathroom, glad that April had unlocked the bedroom door. At least it’s casual day, he thought as he pulled on a pair of jeans. He kissed her cheek on his way out and she answered with a mumbled “Bye.”
Pulling a double makes for long day and even more so on Christmas Eve. Edward did his usual work then sat at the reception station reading magazines after everyone left. April was right – the phone didn’t ring once. She was right about more than that, he decided. They could go to Hawaii next year or the year after or whenever. Craig would probably have called him a fucking idiot for acting the way he had. Edward sped home to apologize.
The apartment was dark and Edward figured April was still too pissed off to wait up for him, even on Christmas Eve. He stepped in and turned on the light and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the fact that the walls were a different color.
Green.
No, not just green, he saw. Different greens. And blues, reds, purples, oranges, and browns. Almost every color he had ever seen and some he hadn’t. It was a jungle on every wall. There were trees, vines, leaves, flowers, birds, and bushes. He stood there, hypnotized by the explosions of color and realized there was no furniture in the room and April was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the empty floor, watching him and smiling.
“Close the door,” she said. “It’s cold.”
Edward closed to door and on the wall behind it was an erupting volcano. Smoke billowed from the caldera and lava flowed down the sides in colors so vivid he could almost feel the heat.
“What’s all this?” he asked as he sat on the floor beside her.
April kissed him. “I can paint! Merry Christmas. Now behold the masterpiece.”
On the wall in front of them was a painting so vivid it was like looking at a life-sized photo. Palm trees framed an idyllic panorama straight out of his dreams. The sky was a bright blue above a slightly darker blue ocean and the foamy whitecaps of breaking waves. A triple-masted schooner was anchored on the horizon. A couple stood on the glittering beach with their backs to the room, each holding a hand of the child between them.
Edward stood and stepped over to get a closer look. The woman’s blond hair hung to her grass skirt and her face was slightly turned towards the man. It was April’s profile. The man’s right arm was raised, pointing at the ship, and Edward could see the faint line running from elbow to wrist.
“That’s my scar,” he said.
April’s arms encircled him from behind. “It’s us,” she said softly.
He pointed at the child on the wall. “But we don’t have a…” He turned to face April and saw tears in her eyes.
“Merry Christmas again,” she said with a small smile. “I’m pregnant.”
“Pregnant?” Edward looked at her for a moment, then laughed and picked her up in a hug.
“Pregnant!” He set her back on her feet but continued to hold her as tightly as he dared.
“I don’t think we’ll be able to go to paradise before your birthday,” she whispered.
Edward felt her tense and his voice cracked with love for her. “We don’t have to go anywhere, my love. This is paradise.”